Going backwards to move forwards ...

... Can be daunting to say the least. It's not easy going backwards. Last year I fell pregnant unexpectedly and it took me months to be able to face and then rejoice in this turn of events. Giving up art school was difficult. Not because I would actually miss it (trust me, art school had it's own dramas) but because it meant giving up a part of my identity. A part that was just beginning to show results.

But I did come to terms with the change of being pregnant and even to enjoy that time to myself, time where I could quietly reflect on what was important to me and what it was I wanted to achieve in life.

Things felt and seemed chaotic but as I went through my challenges, little details came to my attention. Things that get lost in the busyness and self-importance of my life. My friend Chrissie always sees challenges as being a time when God is teaching her something. So what have I learned ...

* I have a tendency to fill my life with things that make me feel good because sometimes my real purpose is blocked or frustrated; therefore I can waste a lot of my life on irrelevant things rather than doing what it is i am meant to be doing;

* When I slow down I see and experience things with more clarity. Too many people, jobs, activities, etc can leave me drained and not a very nice person. I choose to be wise about the amount of people and the kind of people i allow to influence me. I used to believe success was wrapped up in how much i achieved, now i know that for me, success is DOING TODAY WELL and letting tomorrow take care of itself.

* My spiritual wellbeing is imperative to my ability to live my life well. I have a saying ... 'broken people can only break things' even when they mean well. I want people to feel good around me. I cannot be good to anything or anyone if I am run down, drained, grumpy, angry, sick, etc. And trust me, the universe continues to bring people across my path, and I want to make sure I am fully available when those opportunities present themselves.

* My challenge is to be a woman who inspires. Not preaches and throws out 'does and don'ts' but who by her example is a light for others. To bring about good change in the world around me. To be a uplifting experience for others. To serve and to love.

My reaction to my circumstances have unearthed some of my worse behaviours, my weaknesses and the sort of things that make me cringe about myself. But I am grateful for the opportunity to face them down, to rise up and make a clean start with a better attitude and some grace, patience and tenderness. To replace the hard heart with a softer one, one that is focussed on being a blessing and not a curse, a loving person not a critical one, a giving woman not a self-focused one; a strong person not a whinging one; not consumed with self pity. It challenges me to think about my work and what I am wanting to express. Whether it is the best place to focus my attention. Whatever, I am grateful for this new little baby and the changes I am making in response to his amazing life.

I am working on a stitched piece but after this one, I will spend time designing my new thing. Not sure what that is yet but I have a feeling that it will be better than ever. Have some new pieces at our city gallery showing for the next fortnight. It will be a fun exhibition with a variety of artworks from Porirua City Council staff on show. Come on down and have a look.