Monday, May 18, 2009

I need a Personal Assistant

... preferably older than 5 months please. Anyone interested?
Yes I do, I just figured it out. Someone who can enable me to run in my strengths by taking care of tedious details like budgets, housework, and time management while I focus on taking care of people and making life interesting and meaningful all round. Anyone know where I can pick up one of these?
Someone who loves cooking, homemaking, organising and bustling about in an important and cheerful manner while everyone comes and goes. Who can make everyone feel important, is never grumpy, always positive speaking and doesn't wake up tired. Someone who loves to exercise and understands rugby (for Marcus, age 6), never complains, is always motivated and focused.

Can that person also be 'green-minded', educate us so we don't feel bad that we are killing the planet and each other with non-organic foodstuffs. Someone who will let me climb hills with my kids, comb the beaches for treasures, break all the conventional rules about bedtimes and meal times for kids, and look the other way as I spend a whole day stitching a piece for arts sake with no rhyme or reason.

Someone to be my cheerleader so I can cheer on my lot. Someone to remind me that I am doing a great job and inspire me to greater heights. To tell me that holding the baby so he can sleep for an hour is worthy of that hour, that the couch is an ok space to spend a day or three, that I am allowed occasionally to buy clothes for me and get my hair done and not feel guilty even though everybody else needs things too, always.

Hey, to be fair, Rich is definitely a lot of these things. He never complains (I mean ever!), he doesn't criticise (ever!), he does housework and cooking and a million other things that I don't even ask for. He has a real servant heart my man. He's cool about my art and crafts, about how I spend my time with the kids and the fact that our home looks like a home and not a museum. I would be devastated if he spoke to me like others do to their at-home partners. Not once has he ever complained (and yet I bet he has had plenty that he could criticise if that was his nature). he doesn't control my spending (although this may not always be a good idea) and he is happy when I am happy. He frets when I'm low. It bothers him now to see me like this.

Our combined weakness is the organisational things ... budgeting, organising events and time management. We puddle along, but that position is vacant if you are interested? Pay: none. Perks: a fantastic family. Hours: 24-7, vacation when we vacation.
It's very likely why we don't own our own home, we spent our twenties trying to figure out how to stay married and like ourselves, our thirties on how to raise kids and stay married, and the rest just blurred in the background. I know there are people out there who know right off the bat who they are and what they will do with their lives. We just kinda made it up as we went along and still do. I am so thankful to my parents who stood by us during these years and even still. To our friends who believed in us when we didn't even believe in ourselves.

This baby thing has me living day by day. And now with a sick big kid and my husband travelling away to work, a new church to integrate into and a lack of time/headspace to develop new art works, it's not hard to see why I can easily dissolve into a form of 'blankland'.

Still, I am in a good place to have nothing crowding me, nothing expected of me, nothing pressuring me and pushing me to conform. I love that part of now. It's peaceful to only have to answer to myself, Rich and my kids. My body is recovered in general and I am walking again. The Clever Crafting Project is going off.

Talk about yo-yo - random energy, fits and spurts of vision, long days of nothing but childcare, feeling tired but loving that baby when he smiles at me (it's so worth it, it really is), spiritual highs and lows.

Yeah right. I suppose I could obsess about my weaknesses, beat myself up for not being perfect or just carry right on doing the best I can each day, mistakes and weaknesses and all. If God wants to send me an answer to a prayer I don't even know how to utter, then that would be great. Perhaps a secret angel, or an answer through some kind Samaritan. Come on you mum's out there. Let me know how you do everything and not fall apart. I am keeping it simple so I don't get grumpy at my family but if there is a way to get more in there, I'm all ears.

In the meantime, I am going to be holding this little guy close to my heart and practicing patience and goodness and gentleness and kindness and love and joy and self control to my bestest ability.

5 comments:

Lady P said...

I just happened upon you -from India's blog (not all who wander are lost) which I came upon from one of my fav blogs (Grrl + Dog). I just had to stop. To read your need of a personal assistant - to imagine myself in your world - with such a loving partner and a beautiful boy. The life I thought for certain I would have one day, after my travels - but I was destined to NOT have. So, I am not a MUM who can tell you a great bit of advice, just a woman who stopped by the hear your story, nod my head in support, laugh with you for a minute at your whirlwind life of art, and soccer and longings for organization and ponder, yet again, what is Daddy making us for dinner?
Take one corner, clean and organize it - but make it a small manageable one - and enjoy the efforts - maybe it will spread. If not, you have one corner of sanity to escape to - and the corner can be anything - about art, about bills, about budgeting - whatever your heart tells you would be best. Okay - there it is - a suggestion for you from the nonmom woman half way across the world wishing you and your great smile - all the best...

Andie said...

Hi, I'm from the states and found your blog by searching "Christian Artist Mother blog" or something like that. I am having the exact same struggles as you right now! Thank goodness I found your blog among all the Christian music websites that came up. There must not be many of us Christian Artist Mothers around! :) I am in the same search you are. I'm trying to figure out how to be me when organization and house cleaning are not natural to me, and art and chatting with people are natural to me. No answers here except that I am learning that God created me to be me, not to be my perfect idea of a homemaker & mother. (This perfect ideal being organized, scheduled and efficient!) Thanks for writing about this stuff! And may Christ be exalted in your weaknesses and mine (and in our strengths!)

jeanamarie said...

hi... peter and i need someone who can do those very same things, so if you find someone will you ask if they have a sister or friend for us? ;)

was going to write more ... encouragement...but i have a little one tugging at me saying 'more p'budda, more p'budda ...'


jeana

Chef Janine said...

I'm your answer. Please have a look at:
http://personallifestyleconcierge.blogspot.com/

I am also a Personal Chef, so if you need me to come in and stock up your fridge/pantry with pre-made meals....do your shopping...

Regards Janine
vino-tech@telkomsa.net
http://chef-on-line.blogspot.com/

Andie said...

Thanks for the comment on Beautiful Work. 4 of us christian ladies with very different personalities write on that blog together. I'm "artsie andie" in case you didn't guess.