I wanted to write about something happy but we've just found out our friend's daughter was tragically murdered yesterday. It's big news here and although it happened in my suburb, I wasn't overly disturbed because I live in a place where one or two tragedies happen a year. The kinds that draw national media attention. So I just thought it was another event that happened to someone else. How cold does that sound now? And why am I not more disturbed when crime happens in this o-so-small community of ours? The answer unfortunately is that you just get conditioned to it and unless it's a personal loss, it's just sad news and bad luck.
My friend has been heartbroken and beside herself, since her 16 year old daughter left home over a month ago. She's a diligent mother, who loves her daughter but her daughter was determind to do things her way. Unfortunately she got caught up in a situation that took her life. My friends' worse fear came true.
It's every parents nightmare, I know it's mine. You raise 'em the best you can. But they do have minds of their own. And life happens. And now its another senseless murder. Another life gone. Another senseless thing that defies logic.
So as is our custom, we will rally around the family. We will send money, food, and support in whatever form we can. I cannot imagine how I would cope. I don't think I would. It's insanity-creating stuff grief, death in such terrible circumstances.
They caught the man responsible for the two murders. There is little relief in that though. I would be capable of murder if someone hurt my babies. Again though there would be no relief. So maybe I wouldn't kill anyone but I think I would die. A big part of me would drop out, and leave big holes.
Being married is like that too. We shape our lives around each other, til we are a custom-fit. It doesn't do to dwell on how we would survive without the other. But I imagine big holes form in our lives that take a long time if ever to heal and fill.
So, life goes on. Tears come, pain happens, grief overtakes everything. Anger, denial, more anger, frustration, helplessness.
Then time happens, and the edges become less sharp, memories soften, hearts heal, and the world spins still.
Are you ever amazed that when life stops because of an event like death and then you take a trip to the supermarket say, and everyone is carrying on with their lives? That always astounds me, that sense of being in a void. Surreal.
So something happy is in my heart but its squeezed by the all too real reality of my friends and neighbours and their loss. I am heading across the road soon to cry with the parents and share the burden of grief we are all feeling. The senseless waste of it all.
I am just so thankful that He is here with us all. The Comforter. That is where I find my sense in a nonsensical world.