A beach button installation
I have been angsting about my blog. Worrying that it isn't arty enough for my visitors. Worrying that its too domestic. But guess what. Who flippin' cares. It's my life, my real life, not an edited version (well, kinda) and I figure that if it makes it to these pages, then its because it's important to ME.
You'll know if you visit often enough that I ramble on about art, life, kids, faith, my city and country, my favourite people, the beach and lately homeschooling. Other things like buttons on the beach keep reoccurring because I like to look for buttons on my beach (and because I just can, which is heaven for a girl who loves textiles and the beach). My travels, my observations of my environment and at times the mad heady rush of finally being able to sink myself into the wonderful world of making.
Some things have really turned around for me. I gave up art school last year after a year and a half of struggling to fit in and trying to figure out how to make it fit me. It just didn't and I am finally ok about that. But I felt like I was giving up on yet another opportunity to better myself. I have my counselling papers and that lets me know that I am capable of study. To find myself unexpectedly pregnant at 38 was a shock. Actually every pregnancy has started out as a shock because I am complicated. I am so thankful I didn't give the baby away (or scare my husband too much), I left my old self behind and am embracing my new life as wholeheartedly as I can.
Thats me. Trying to live life to the fullest. Whenever I get dealt lemons, I try and make lemonade. Not that Knuckles is a lemon or anything. He's amazing and he's turned all our lives around. Hearts are fuller and he is constantly surrounded by kisses, laughs, giggles, boys, arms, blankets, woolly's and toys. I miss him when he's asleep. The boys have been threatened not to wake him up or they will change the next poo nappy. It's the only way I can stop them from 'accidentally' waking him. Mostly it's Marcus (6) who constantly feels ripped off and will take the baby straight out of my arms if I am momentarily distracted. He's so in love with his baby. We all are.
So there I am the other day trying to count my latest button finds, and get a decent photo to show you (sand and all) what I find on the beach. All of a sudden the boys spy Knuckles quietly playing on the bed. Marcus gives Knuckles his specialist newest toy, a gun he has wanted for ages. (And before anyone starts getting pissy about guns, my boy has worked hard for this and promised me this is for playing secret agents with his brother, which I guess is like girls playing shops). But first a game of wrestling.
A new trick this morning had me running for the camera. I just love stripes on kids and woollens. Oh boy.
Rich got home from church to find us all huddled in the warm rooms of the house, namely our bedroom and the lounge. Who can resist a big stack of fluffy pillows and a smiling baby? Not us.
And then I had to go, because I was interrupting.
Lots of laughing, discussions and arguments erupt due to cheating (Mum is the worse culprit). I love playing cards with the boys and have had so much fun teaching them all the games we used to play when we were kids. The Mormon missionaries introduced us to Uno when we were kids. It's a staple around here now. And Maia loves playing the guitar. He's never far from one. He's almost nailed "More than words" by Extreme. He was surprised that I know it. It's about then that I feel my age.
And because I can't resist, I try and sneak one more shot, but someone is onto me.
And then it's my turn. I need a cuddle. I need to smell his warm baby body and hug his wriggling self. He's just lovely. I'm squirrelling him away for me and going to hide because no doubt someone will come and beg a turn, and I'm not ready to give him up just yet.
And my final scene of bliss: another cup of tea gone cold, tissues, abandoned jewellery and my favourite pink tea cups which have now been repurposed into baby food receptacles by the men in my family. :) This is my life today. It's wonderfully uncomplicated.
And that sense of 'losing myself' from last year is definitely evaporating as I embrace this new life. My children. My sense of play and fun. Relax. Breathe. Create. Write. Knit. Bake. Walk the beach. Stay warm.
PS. I have also become an expert on Facebook (I refuse to say addict because I am there by choice) and love talking to all my 'friends'. What a crack up. When my husband got home from church, he said "Kylie reckons she's worse then you (on Facebook)". My reply, "I'm not 'worse', I am awesome. I am gifted. It's my calling don't chya know." lol. And I am because it takes lots of skills to be able to talk to people all over the world, run a house, make a dress, organise meals, tidy, play Uno, hug a baby, umpire an argument between the big boys and talk on the phone, all at the same time. :) It's all ministry baby! lol
I love Amanda Blake Soule (click on blue words to go to their page) from Soulemama's blog site which is filled with goodness about being a home mama, a making mama, a homeschooling mama and so much more. She's inspired me in lots of wonderful ways.
I have discovered Ravelry and am making the following scarf for my honey with my four balls of Noro Silk Garden (silk/mohair/wool blend) yarn. I have knit this yarn three times and not felt satisfied with my results. Now I have a better pattern (I usually make it all up in my head as I go). God, Ravelry. For a woman who loves to make things, gathers things and nests, knitting is the perfect take-anywhere craft project. So portable. I can do a few rows while waiting for the kids to finish school, or anywhere. And living in a cold climate begs woollens. Well, that's my justification.
I remember 12 years ago as a first time mum feeling so isolated and lost. It's different these days. I talk to my friends from all over the world and don't even have to clean up my house, or get dressed or even get outta bed if I don't want to.
And I am contemplating entering a writing competition. God, I can talk and write about anything. But put a deadline in front of me and a panel, and I freeze. We'll see. Will my fear or love win out? Right now fear is winning. Haha, I am such a wuss.
O, and I had a good talk with my own mama last night. She's well but upset by thoughts of losing her own mother (my other mama who is 80). I hope talking with me helped. I think I am turning into my grandmother, the one I lived with when I was a small child. I love making, I want a country home, I want chickens and a vegie garden, I wanna homeschool, I want to walk the beaches with my kids, to go fishing and camping together. Yes, my grandmother is an important woman. She was instrumental in shaping me in so many ways. She grew us all up. She planted a seed of faith in me. She has lived a full life. I am so glad that God has big hands to catch her one day, and hold her, and show her movies of all her successes. The bits that make Him smile. I am grateful she will be waiting for me too one day. She is gold to us. Another hero in my life.
I am blessed.