Tuesday, September 22, 2009

"there's no place like home..."

I saw the Wizard of Oz when I was little. I was so scared. But there's that one little scene where Dorothy is holding Toto and saying "there's no place like home, there's no place like home", those words have resounded in my life.

I am in the process of slowly going through our possessions. Fourteen years of accumulated clutter: as an multi-media textile artist, a lover of vintage, a can't-walk-past-an-op-shop and a survivor of lean times, I am surrounded by things. Things that at one time or another have meant something to me.

I have made a few life decisions recently. One, to homeschool my almost high school aged boy next year. Two, to return to counselling practice and within the next five years create my own private practice in partnership with another friend possibly. Three, to find a bigger home so we can have more people in our home and lives, plus accomodate all our diverse needs as a family.

Add to this a 9 month old baby, seven year old boy, tween-ager of 12 years, a brother-in-law staying and my lovely busy husband, with our usual commitments and daily doings, and life is rather full-on at the moment.

I am having to discern what is important, what is do-able and what is idealistic.

Being an artist has been a lovely diversion these past few years but in my heart I am happier when I am working with people. My artworks feel rather mediocre but maybe I will return in later years and have a bit more nouse then . I will continue to make things for my own pleasure but being a full-time artist and developing my work will take many years and the cost and sacrifice my family would have to pay just doesn't add up. I feel it would take a few more years to develop to a place that I would even begin to get comfortable with. As a counsellor I'm ready to roll out once the right position comes along, and that's a no-brainer really.

Back to decluttering: Its not an easy job. I have been waiting for the right conditions, more energy, less pain, a tidier house (go figure), summer weather, holidays, motivation, help, a sign from God even but alas none of these things ever line up. So its just time to suck it up and get on with it.

I am blessed to have a new friend in my life. We have embarked upon a journey that is turning into quite an adventure. We each, when we can, pick an area in our own respective homes of a size that is personally manageable, take photos (she's been very good, I keep meaning too) and then toodle around decluttering, sorting, cleaning until some measure of order has been created or restored in that small corner. We have no timetable and yet we are starting to pick up momentum. She is now doing a few little areas a day. I just squeeze in as much as I can in my spare time when my back and kids allows.

For me this has involved the very slow process of sorting and tidying the babys cupboard, the two toy boxes under my sons bed, a bit of the desk next to my bed, the overflowing laundry, the washing of my collection of knitted and crocheted blankets, giving away some books and so forth.

We email each other updates, I have been getting several from her daily. She's a cracker. There is something very affirming and inspiring in sending each other emails that list all the little jobs we've done, the decisions behind why we keep some things and why we can let them go, and see picutures of before and after.

I keep telling myself that when we are faithful with a little, then we are able to be faithful with a lot. So I will be diligent. Its not too hard. I just don't have the time or space to accomodate some of my history when my future is trying to come into my life. And there are no more excuses. No knight on a white horse gonna ride in and rescue me from myself. My mum is coming in a month's time but that time will be better spent planning our futures with her (she's a make it happen girl).

I still have a few mountains to climb before I am out of the woods. I have decided to have a yard sale with some stuff, donate the left overs and sell the best via Trade Me, New Zealand's online buy and sell website. All proceeds to help me pay for my homeschool curriculum next year .

All this while juggling a now crawling baby and maintaining my usual support of my family. I am also crafting for an upcoming market.

It also means saying 'no' to other things at the moment because this is really important to me, I can see it will set me free and create more physical and mental mind space, as well as refine my possessions to manageable. I can't wait to have a bigger home one day soon.

A little package came for me today. I will post a photo of it later. Thank you Pat from the USA for my little crochet pot holder. I love crochet.

I am excited about the future. Once I sense my way forward, I jump. Yay.


Pat said...

so glad the package came. and so fast too.

i liked reading about your process. a busy process but you sound so clear about your goals and intent, i know it will be fruitful.

t said...

Phew Rachelle. such big decisions, so many thoughts, so much expression. I came here from India's blog and was amazed by your blog. Whatever you do, just make sure you follow your heart. And make sure you keep some of your craft handy for those moments when you just need to use your hands and meditate. Take care my dear......I will be back to see how you are going soon.


ArtPropelled said...

"Start by doing what is necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. - Saint Francis of Assisi