Wednesday, May 6, 2009

winter time for this mama...

I forget i can post without pictures. just pictures say so much without words and make it look better me thinks. so here i am. finally baby-free, child-free and it's only 11.25pm so i can make a wee deposit here because i haven't been here for awhile.

just a quick look-see to check emails and make sure i haven't missed anything major (which i did anyway). i am just not attracted to sitting at the computer: 1) because it hurts my back, and 2) i have so much running through my head these days that i hesitate to express because it's probably incoherent anyway.

Still ... lots of lovely things happening here.

I am walking again and no longer a prisoner to constant pain. Wow, was that an experience and now when people tell me they are not well ... i REALLY listen because being in pain and not being mobile really effected my quality of life. I couldn't hold my new babe Knuckles, couldn't pick him up when he cried, couldn't take myself to the bathroom, needed help to dress, shower and just to stand up made me cry out in pain. I felt guilty as I watched my husband labour with our family and home, plus try and hold down his job. I swore I would do things differently when I got better. Physio did wonders as did some scans and xrays which helped pinpoint the issues. So now I listen when someone tells me they are unwell, and I feel for them and I ask 'can I be of any help?' Because people helped us. Some brought meals, some just listened, some came and crafted, some rang, emailed and visited.

The last year was one big challenge and i have emerged a different person. An unexpected pregnancy, a new beautiful baby boy, surgery, pre and post partum complications, the end of my art studies, the end of our time with our old church, the beginning of a new church, a wonderful interlude with my mum, new friends, lots of crafting. So what's changed ... I have. I don't sweat the small stuff anymore, it just ain't worth it. Dramas are exhausting, I can't be bothered. Not when there are real things to be gotten on with. People with real issues needing help. Rich and I are solid these days after this last year. It was hard but not impossible.

My baby Knuckles, he sure is beautiful. Big and beautiful. Such a lovely smiley boy, responsive, and laughs and squeals - just a joy to behold. Sleeps through the night (seriously, it's our six year old that won't go to bed) and is uncomplicated by day. He's all smiles, lovely fat cheeks, warm and delicious smelling after his bath. He cries now if he see's someone walk away, he loves to talk and play.

Rich finally returned to work after weeks of caring for me. It was hard. I missed him. My best friend. We squabble over the little things but in the big things we are one. He turned 40 on Monday. He is amazing my husband. He NEVER complains and NEVER criticises anyone. I cannot in all honesty recollect him whinging or gossiping. His heart is good. I am blessed.

My big boys are enjoying new adventures that involve flying west during the school holidays to Brisbane with their Nan. With my heart in my throat I release my two treasures to fly miles away from me yet knowing that great fun awaits them with our family in Australia. They plead with me to put the phone to their baby brothers mouth just so they can hear him breathe into the phone. They head for him as soon as they are home. He is theirs - this baby of ours.

And I am finding pleasure slowly in this quieter life of mine. Time to pray, to reflect, to meditate and mull over things, to knit and make, to play with my little treasure Knuckles, to catch moments with girlfriends and enjoy the peace and warmth of my home. It didn't happen over night but it did happen. A steady acceptance of where I am and the ability to start to appreciate it's richness. Confident that I am where I am meant to be and doing what I am meant to be doing. Purposefully approaching each day with an open heart and willingness to be available where possible. Thankful that my husband releases me to do this.

Our craft group "The Clever Crafting Project" has taken off. I do believe we will have a full house at Aunt Daisy's next Wednesday. Cleo and I are chuffed. It wasn't hard because so many wonderful people are making it a success. The atmosphere is warm and friendly, we have lots of FREE STUFF, Aunt Daisy's is a wonderful venue and we truly are connecting together a wonderful collection of makers - our very own craft community. As well, there have been spontaneous get togethers throughout the last month at peoples homes. How clever. I can't wait for next weeks group. Come along, bring a friend. You don't even have to craft. Just come meet some neat people and have a coffe / exotic tea blend or a glass of wine.

I can't wait to post some photos. They will have to wait. It is time consuming and I want to go to bed before midnight. Not bad ... it is 11.52pm.

Ahipara Girl

Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?

~ Mary Oliver, The Summer Day

1 comment:

twisted sister said...

Glad you are feeling better - seems to me you had a sixth sense about this birth.
I always thought of babies as a blessing from God (whatever one's idea of God may be).